One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
