his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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