just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize