It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've blown a few things in my day
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
