im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
