after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
