from now on my penis is your penis
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
