I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.