This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
