so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
