I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
