im six kinds of drunk right now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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