I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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