My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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