Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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