I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
