i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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