How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
