saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
