i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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