and you said cock pushups were impossible
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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