just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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