speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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