the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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