i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
