There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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