Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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