I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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