Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
