My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
