Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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