I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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