ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
