p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
