My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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