9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
