As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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