She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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