Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she told me i tasted like america
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I believe in your delicious
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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