I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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