Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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