ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
