Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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