You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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