I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
