just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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