I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
