My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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