He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
