we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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