my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
