Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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