She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
