i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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