Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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