I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
