I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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