So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
