the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
