The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
