I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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