It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
