I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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