would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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