I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
