Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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