Pappa wants mamma naked
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
